Counterproductive EP

by Health Problems

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1.
00:55
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01:32
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06:11
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03:25
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04:59
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released 01 August 2013

Recorded by Capt. Trips Ballzington in Olympia, WA Feb. 2013

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Track Name: Androgyny
Man or woman
Androgyny
What do you see in me
Track Name: Gullible
Jurisdiction
Authority
Laugh at me
Or take a breath
Or take a sigh
Choose your side
I’m falling for it
I’m falling down

Fit to shape
Or fit to standard
Compensate to tolerate
Shape me what you want to be
And then you’ll see

Fit me
Shape me what you want to be, and then you’ll see what you to see

Fit to shape
Or fit to standard
Compensate to tolerate
I’m falling for it
I’m falling down

I’m gullible

Fit to shape to compensate
Track Name: Homophobic Father
A kick in the teeth
Or a verbal assault
Looking for difference
Or looking for faults

A knife to the throat
A gun to the head
Speaking like pistols with a mouthful of lead

I’ve had enough of your acting tough

Yeah, I’m so queer man
I’m such a “faggot”
And you are such a man
That you can’t even manage

Speaking in tongues
With your ignorant bliss
Your entire existence
Is worth less than piss

Yeah, I’m so queer man
I’m such a “faggot”
And you are such a man
That you can’t even manage
Your entire existence
Is worth less than piss
Track Name: Mr. Man
He was incompetent because he could not bench press as much as his cohorts and peers. John was strong. He was a particularly fit individual. Beautiful and attractive: Even regarded by his fellow classmates for being so incredibly unique. But he just wasn't enough. He just didn't have the muscles. And if he didn't have the muscles, he probably didn’t have the dick. And if he didn’t have the dick, he probably wasn’t a man at all.
But if he wasn’t a man, what was he?
Some kind of "pussy"?
Some kind of "bitch"?
Some kind of "little girl"?
Or "wimp"?
Or "woos"?
He was just incompetent. He just wasn’t enough.

John spent many hours, lying under his plush cotton covers, that swaddled his bed and his body. That lay in his room, that was in his parents three or four bedroom, twenty five year mortgage plan suburban home. John’s father started to notice a change in his son’s attitude, and felt that his recent submission to detrimental emotion was a sign of his weakness. John felt that his father’s point of view was so similar to every one of his schoolmates.

“I can’t take it”

One day, john had had enough. He couldn't take it anymore. He was fed up with the self-loathing, self-torture, and harsh judgment of his father and friends. John started to have violent feelings and decided to carry them out with rash actions. So he got out of his bed, and walked out of his room, and walked on down the hall. When he reached his father’s gun closet, he quietly cracked the door, and pulled out his father’s well-polished, well-cared for, nine millimeter pistol.

John had tasted gun powder for the first and last time.
He was dead.
Track Name: Boy Problems
How now brown cow, I’ve been singing nursery rhymes for a while
Screeching boredom, or shooting the bullshit
Growing old, or just being a kid
I can’t break my baby body

I’m over pimples and puberty, but whining where this life has left me
Box cereal
Saturday morning
Mom and Dad always gave me warning
I don’t want to grow up

Be a man
Or cry like a baby
An ignorant boy
In a mature body
The stuff of life is the stress of growing

Wah, wah, wah.

I can’t be a man
I’m only a baby
An ignorant boy
In a mature body
If the stuff of life is the stress of growing,
Please tell my hormones to quit their moaning

I don’t want to grow up
I don’t want to stop hanging out with friends and going to parties
All night sleep-overs and Friday night pizza
I’m not ready to pay rent
Go to work
Be Mature
And deal with women
I just want to be a kid

I don’t want to grow up
I’m not ready to be mature
I’m a childish boy
Track Name: Mundane
I went shopping on the weekend
That was my weekend
I drank my carbonated energy drink before I went to work
That was my morning
I watched PBS before I went to sleep
That was my evening

I was born
And I grew up
I went to school
I got a college degree
I got married
I had three children
I put them all through school
I retired at age fifty five
Just as according to plan
And I died
And all of my extended family came to my funeral

I am the demand
That was my story
Mundane
Monotony
Track Name: Family Vacation
My average looking wife tells me I spend too much time at the office
My average intelligent children, they tell me “pops” you spend too much time at the office
So the other day, we gathered ‘round the table for dinner: I made a proposal
So I lit up their faces, and I lit up my pocket book- said we are going on a vacation

We could spend awhile on a sandy beach island
Pour out the bank account in glutinous fashion

“Whats that? Room service?
Just put that on my tab I will pay for it later… American Express”
“Oh honey, I love you. It’s so wonderful to be spending so much time with the kids as a family in such a warm climate with all these material goods and services around us”

Five star hotel
Continental breakfast
Beautiful view
Vacation has got me hooked
I’m savior dad
Hero of husbands
It’s easy to play God
When you’re a father with a checkbook

How could I ever want to leave this place
When everything pleasurable is right in my face
As much as I hate it, and I don’t want to say
I’ll be working overtime in a couple of days

I’m sorry children. I’m sorry wife.
I’m sorry we can’t live like this for the rest of our lives.
Pack your bags, catch the flight.
We’ve had our fill of vacation time.